Reflection #1
Tonight is the start of the Jewish Holiday Yom Kippur,
known as the day of atonement.
During these days between the Jewish New Year Rosh Hashonah and Yom Kippur is known as the Days of Awe.
During this time, Jewish people are asked
to take stock of their actions during the prior year,
and where they have missed the marked,
where they have fallen short,
they are required to try and make amends.
Although the title of the sermon today is forgiveness
I think atonement has a different connotation.
We can forgive others, or we can seek forgiveness from others,
we can learn to forgive ourselves,
but Atonement for me is a reconciliation
which requires an act of some sort
to bring wholeness to a broken world,
a broken relationship, or a broken life.
Sometimes that reconciliation can be with others,
but we must first reconcile and forgive ourselves,
and work to improve ourselves
before we can ask others to forgive us.
The Unitarian Universalist Association Common Read for this year is entitled Repair and Repentance, by Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg Rabbi Ruttenberg writes about Moses Maimonides,
a twelfth Century Jewish philosopher and scholar
and his 5 steps of spiritual repentance.
Step One – Naming and Owning Harm
Step Two – Starting to Change
Step Three - Restitution and Accepting Consequences
Step Four – Apology
Step Five – Making Different Choices
I think it is very interesting to note that apology
is a later step in the process.
Apology, without genuine change or restitution, is empty.
How often have we heard an apology that goes something like
“If what I have said offended anyone I am sorry”
That is not an apology.
That puts the onus on the person who is harmed
instead of the person who did the harm.
If you want to apologize,
just say what you did, recognize what is wrong with it,
commit to not doing it again,
and work to repair relationships with those harmed.
As Ruttenberg says,
“the focus (of repentance) is not on whether forgiveness is granted but on whether the person who has done harm engages deeply
in the steps of repentance and repair.”
When I was a child, I was often told, forgive, but don’t forget.
For most of my childhood,
my parents who were children in America during the WW2,
would never buy any German products
because of Germany’s murder of 6 million Jews in WW2.
I was made to read books and watch movies about the holocaust and I was taught to never forget
that Christians would hate us, discriminate against us
and at some point would kill us just because we were Jewish.
That was their experiences in the world.
At the same time, I was also taught
that we should judge people based on their actions
and that the sins of the parents
should not automatically be placed on their children.
Post WWII Germany took concrete steps to address their role
and take responsibility for their part in the tragedy of the holocaust and to offer reparations to Jews.
Interestingly, in the newly formed country Israel in 1951,
there was conflict over whether to accept reparations from Germany.
There were many Israelis who felt that taking reparations
was akin to forgiving and pardoning Germans
for what they had done.
Many Israelis launched violent protests against the Israeli government at that time.
David Ben Gurion the first prime minister of Israel
had to use the Israeli army to quell an uprising
that led to the death of many Israelis.
Afterward Ben Gurian said
“I don't want to run after a German and spit in his face.
I don't want to run after anybody.
I want to sit here and build here.”
And they accepted the reparations.
I think there are a number of lessons to be learned from this story. Anger, especially righteous anger can blind one to reality.
The reparations received were critical to allow the State of Israel
to build the infrastructure of their country
and allow it not only to survive but to thrive.
How often do we in anger do something spiteful
that we know is not in our own best interest or in line with our values
just so we can feed our resentment towards others.
And don’t get me wrong. Anger is a natural emotion.
There are times we should be angry,
but the question should be how do we express our anger?
Its an old maxim that it is never a good idea
to make decisions when we are filled with anger.
Letting go of our internal anger that no longer serves us
is not the same as forgiveness.
People do get hurt, people do need to protect themselves,
we do need to see that justice is done
so others are not hurt in the same way,
but also we must heal ourselves.
If we are going to grow, grow as human beings,
grow past the hate that envelops us,
grow past the hurt that debilitates us,
we must let go of our anger and fear
so we can see our future clearly.
Not to eliminate our memories,
but to not let our memories of our past,
control and limit our future.
This allows us to move forward and build up our own lives.
One way we build and transform our lives
is through our communal life together and the life of the larger community..
Please help us build up our community,
by repatriating some of your money to our collection today!!
100% of which will go to the Asalah Freedom School
Please be as generous as you can.
For those online there is a link to donate in the description of the YouTube video.
Reflection #2
Another lesson from the story of Germany
and its reparations to Israel
is that it is easier to forgive someone
when they show some repentance for what they did.
It also highlights that there is still a need to ask for forgiveness. Holocaust survivor and writer Elie Wiesel said,
“Some persons do not deserve forgiveness – to be forgiven
the culprit must admit their guilt and ask for forgiveness.
In the year 2000, during a speech in the German Parliament commemorating the holocaust,
Elie Wiesel said to the assembled German leaders,
“You have been helpful to Israel after the war,
with reparations and financial assistance.
But you have never asked the Jewish people to forgive you
for what the Nazis did.”
Two weeks later, the German president,
went to the Israeli Knesset and did just that.
He said, “Before the people of Israel I pay humble tribute
to those who were murdered,
who have no graves at which I could ask their forgiveness,
I ask forgiveness for what Germans have done,
for myself, and my generation,
For the sake of our children and our children’s children
whose future I would like to see at the side of the children of Israel”.
This is how we prevent passing our own sins of anger onto our children.
We need to interact with each other,
to know each other, to not be “others” to each other.
We need to be consciously open to the concept of forgiveness
and redemption.
The two are inextricably tied together.
One cannot control whether someone else will forgive another.
We can only first atone for it through right actions
and then ask for forgiveness.
Even if the wronged party does not forgive,
the party causing the harm can show they have learned,
they have changed, and by doing so
show transformation is possible.
Even if they are never forgiven,
they themselves have been transformed into a something better.
In the movie “the power of forgiveness”,
there is a story of a man who unconditionally forgave the teenager who had murdered his son.
The teen who murdered his son
had been living with his grandfather
after being abandoned first by his father and then his mother.
And the teenager upon being forgiven said,
“no one had ever forgiven me for anything before,
if he can forgive me for killing his son,
I have to be able to forgive others who have abandoned me
and who have hurt me.”
That forgiveness changed the grandfather as well
who had been completely racked with guilt over the incident.
The father of the slain boy and the grandfather of the murderer went on to form a foundation and together
went out speaking to other youth to prevent future violence.
Who knows how many lives were saved by that one act of forgiveness.
This didn’t diminish the pain or loss they felt.
But it showed me that forgiveness can have a power of its own. Forgiveness can not only change your life,
but it can change other peoples lives in ways that we cannot imagine.
Our first principle tells us
that we believe in the inherent worth and dignity of all people.
Horrific events like these tests that principle.
It is true, inherent worth is not lived worth,
but inherent worth and dignity means it is there within all,
waiting to be nurtured,
waiting to be lifted up,
waiting to be forgiven.
Just like this story of the young boy
who didn’t understand the concept of forgiveness
until it was given to him,
my experiences have shown me
that people are willing to forgive others
and accept forgiveness of others
much more quickly then they are ever able to forgive themselves.
I saw this often when I served as a chaplain in a hospital.
On the floor I served on, individuals’ medical conditions
were often due to their poor life choices.
And in almost all cases they were aware of that,
and held tremendous guilt about it.
And so I would ask them whether they believed
that God forgave them, and in almost all cases without hesitation, always they answered yes.
They believed in a forgiving, all loving God.
And then I would ask them if they believed that if God forgave them, could they forgive themselves.
And sadly most of them found that the most difficult part.
Self forgiveness was a lesson it took me a long time to learn.
It is a spiritual practice unto itself
that needs to be practiced consistently.
I will often say, I am my own worst critic.
I have found for myself it is beneficial
to look back at what I have done, what has worked,
what has not.
How could I have handled a situation differently.
Often these thoughts come up when I am meditating
and trying not to think. That’s how meditation works!!
I look at every experience I have as a learning experience.
To incorporate how I missed the mark, and do better
as I move forward.
I have found that the key to my happiness
is the ability to be able to forgive myself for my faults.
It allows me to live in the present moment being who I am,
not filled with fear of making a mistake,
Self forgiveness is about acceptance that we are not perfect,
and that we will never be perfect.
That acceptance should never ever
be an excuse to stop improving, or stop learning.
But it is an acceptance that we cannot control the universe.
Sad but true.
We often don’t even control our own personal universe.
If we realize that we are interdependent with all that is,
we realize that yes we can impact others with our actions
and others also impact us with their actions
which means there are things we cannot control.
There is a musical piece Kol Nidre,
that is always played on first night of Yom Kippur every year.
It is asking for forgiveness in advance
for the vows we will break in the coming year,
knowing that we are imperfect beings,
recognizing that we are certainly going to miss the mark sometimes.
It is also asking us not to make frivolous promises,
but rather to think very carefully before we make a commitment.
Acceptance of our own imperfection allows an opening up
to being compassionate with ourselves
and being gentle with ourselves.
Being Compassionate consistently with ourselves
we can find peace within,
and once we find peace within,
it allows us to learn to be compassionate with others.
By working together with others in compassionate ways,
our interdependent web of life becomes more whole.
When compassion is the practice we use each day,
in every action we take,
we will live in a more compassionate world.
So as you go forth, be compassionate with yourselves
and be compassionate with others.
Forgive yourself and Forgive others.
Do and Be as good as you can on any given day.
May it be so.